Two life experiences
The writer and psychiatrist Edward Hallowell in his book “Connect” speaks about the “two most powerful experiences in life.” He calls them achieving and connecting, and he continues, “Almost everything that counts is directed toward one of these two goals.”
That’s worth a moment’s reflection. It’s difficult to think of any human activity that falls outside these two categories. We all need to achieve something – even if it’s just getting out of bed in the morning! And the saying “no man is an island” tells us that the need to connect with others is wired into our humanity.
Achieving
Hallowell goes on to say that “while we are doing well at achieving, we’re not doing well at connecting”. Again, I think he’s right. Our Western culture is strongly orientated towards achieving: finding success materially, making things happen, “fixing” things. And that’s brought a lot of success over the past 200 years.
So how about connecting?
Is that going well? Connecting with each other, with our inner selves, with the world around us and with purpose and meaning? That’s a tougher call. Just think about loneliness, the mental health crisis and the widespread sense of meaninglessness.
Other cultures tend to have a rather different approach, with connecting at the top of the priority list. I used to live in the Middle East, and the difference I noticed there was profound; for example, family is given a much greater profile, especially extended family and community.
This really matters
The really interesting thing is that personal and community wellbeing is significantly related to connecting – with oneself, with other people, and with some kind of greater meaning and purpose. Achieving material success is much less influential. It begs the question: what does true success comprise anyway?
Another question to end with
How much are you achieving? And even more profoundly, how well are you connecting – with whom and with what?